I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Forgive and forget,” or perhaps, “Bury the hatchet,” or some similar axiom, but are these statements Biblical? The scriptures have much to teach us about forgiveness, repentance, and reconciliation.
New Testament Teaching on Forgiveness
You may remember that Jesus taught us to be lenient with others’ shortcomings, with teachings such as, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25) And Paul taught the Colossians to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col 3:13) These and other similar scriptures provide fair warning that forgiving others is a requirement for our own forgiveness.
You might be saying, “Wait! I thought our forgiveness was a free gift—no strings attached. So, are you saying our forgiveness is not free, but conditional?” Well, first of all, I’m not saying that. I’m quoting Jesus and Paul! Jesus does offer us the free gift of forgiveness, but that gift is conditional on our change of heart, that is, our repentance. And with that change of heart comes some other changes, such as realizing we are no better than others, and maybe even worse than some. Perhaps Jesus stated that condition because He knew something we are loathe to admit about ourselves. He stressed forgiveness of others’ shortcomings because He knew that we are all sinners, each and every one of us, and that we were born with a sin nature. We can’t help ourselves! As much as we might not want to admit it, we are failures in the righteousness department.
David lamented that he was born in inquity: “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” (Psalm 51:5) Paul cried out that as much as he wanted to live perfectly, he was unable to do so. “So, I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” (Romans 7:21) If David was born in iniquity and Paul found that he was completely unable to live perfectly, how much more does iniquity and imperfection apply to us?
But thanks be to God that we have a Helper who enables us to live righteously in God’s eyes! The Holy Spirit indwelling us enables us to resist temptation and strive for holiness. Even though we are sinners, if we repent and believe, we receive the free gift of Christ’s perfect righteousness imputed unto us! It is because of this free gift, which Christ suffered and died to provide for us, that Christ warns us that we must be lenient with others.
Contingent Relationship
Forgiving others and being forgiven is a type of contingent relationship; that is our forgiveness is contingent upon our forgiving of others. Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matt 6:14-15) And Luke records a similar teaching, saying, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37). Paul, likewise, repeats the essence of this teaching to the Ephesians: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph 4:32). Why does this lesson on the contngent relationship of forgiveness of others and our being forgiven need to be repeated so much? The answer to this question is threefold.
Sin is Repetitive
First of all, repetition of sin is a consequence of our sin nature—and we are all born with it. We will not shed this nature until we are each transformed. The result is that we need forgiveness repeatedly, even for the same sins! Consider this passage: “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’ ” Matt 18:21-22
Our Lord is well aware of our sin nature and the fact that we need to be forgiven repeatedly. But more importantly, our willingness to forgive others repeatedly reflects God’s mercy in forgiving us. How can we do anything less than forgive others–even if it is for the same sin, over and over again?
Unfortunately, we must live the remainder of our physical lives with our earthly sin nature intact. That means, in this life, while we continue fight the urge to sin, we will still slip up at times–most likely with the patterns of sin we have lived our entire lives. Our Lord is patient with us and willing to forgive us over and over again if we but come to Him and humbly ask for forgiveness. Therefore, we must not only forgive others once or even twice, but over and over again, just as He has forgiven us over and over again. “You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.” Ps 86:5
Only Jesus is righteous, perfectly and constantly righteous. And if we repent and believe, His perfect righteousness covers us and becomes our righteousness, too. God no longer sees all the wrong in us, but sees the perfection of Christ in us. “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Heb 8:12
Only God Forgets
It is important to remember, though, that, unlike God, we humans may not be able to forgive and forget. God inspired Isaiah to write that His thoughts and ways are unlike ours: “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Is 55:8-9) While Almighty God might be able to put such painful memories of trespasses against Him to rest, it is not in our human capacity to do so. And in many cases, it is best that we don’t forget the sins of others, for our own protection! For example, we might forgive an abusive spouse, but that relationship may never be reconciled if the spouse is unrepentant. Without repentance and a change of heart, the abuse might continue and cause us further harm. That is not God’s intent for us! However, we must pray for people such as this, that the Holy Spirt would move him or her to repent and gain a new heart and be healed of his or her brokenness, just as the Holy Spirit has done with us.
The Fruit of the Spirit Enables Us to Forgive
Our forgiveness of others reflects a Godly compassion, and the fruit of the Spirit in us. When the Holy Spirit indwells us, we demonstrate love, patience, self-control, and more, toward all, even those who have done us wrong. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” (Gal 5:22-23) Therefore, in our relationships with others, we must remember that offenses draw a line that separates unless we extend a white flag and forgive them. Dwelling on the slights committed against us prohibits us from enjoying our relationships with others. It causes us to focus on their faults rather than their strengths, and in doing so, to forget our own. If we focus mainly on what has been done to us, we can become bitter as opposed to a joyful and shining example of God’s transforming love in us. Finally, dwelling on offenses of others prohibits opportunities for us to share the gospel.
So, what can we conclude about this? First of all, we must repent of any bitterness we might harbor toward someone who has wronged us, no matter how serious the wrong. God is the judge and He will judge in fairness. “But it is God who executes judgment, putting down one and lifting up another,” the psalmist wrote in Psalm 75:7. If we turn toward Him instead of extending bitterness toward another, He will heal us and create a new heart in us and, in His own time, will restore the broken and lost time. “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,” says the Lord in Joel 2:25. Second, forgetting is not a requirement in the Bible, and may not be in our best interest if the sin against us was grievous, but forgiveness is required of us if we want God to forgive us. Third, forgiveness may not be possible in our own strength, but the Holy Spirit indwelling us will supernaturally enable us to forgive even the worst transgressions, just as God has forgiven even the worst from us.
From Peggy's Pen 